It’s terrifying that everything you know about them could be a lie. –Reference
Detecting an organization or relationship that may be spiritually and emotionally abusive is difficult at times, especially a narcissistic (narc) one. We will delve into this subject matter on how to detect toxic people and organizations so you can avoid stepping into this abusive boundary.
Ways to detect narcissistic spiritually abusive people (and relationships):
- CHARMING: They are likable, giving great first impression(s) at first glance but over time you see negative actions that don’t line up with their words and doctrine. If you are not around the person (i.e., locally) then you may not see these red flags. Moving closer towards the greener side of the fence will put you in more frequent contact, but you may not see this person’s real nature until you disagree with them – then their mask will come off,
- QUIET/MEEK: Not all narcissists are loud and proud. In fact, some are quiet and shy,
- They can often be found in leadership roles (e.g., Ministers, so-called ‘elders’),
- They always manage to make the conversation about themselves,
- Not every story a narcissist tells is one of victory. But even in the stories of tragedy or failure, there’s an air of entitlement and victimization,
- WILL NOT BE CORRECTED: They are strongly averse to criticism. They cannot take correction, especially in regard to sin; they typically will deny, deny, deny and will come against the person bringing the correction. This is different from a person who is confronted about sin, sees it and tries to turn from it – which may take some time, but they genuinely are in agreement with the correction,
- They’re good at making excuses and not taking credit for mistakes they make,
- They leave a trail of wreckage behind them. Is there a pattern of people and relationships that are either destroyed or severely damaged from this person?
- And in that vein, they may be more likely to cheat. They are pathological liars. As such, they are very good at convincing others that they are right; they will sometimes tell the most outrageous claims (i.e., lies against someone) and they will repeat it often in ingrain their lies into the hearers. Hitler said if you say a lie long enough and loud enough people will eventually believe it.
- Everything is personal. Particularly in the quieter narcissists, there may not be signs of overt self-reference and promotion. But there is defensiveness and reactive anger if they are not recognized or if they can’t get their way.“If you do something to [the narcissist] that he doesn’t like, it means you’re against him or you don’t understand him,”
- You find yourself resorting to flattery just to maintain the peace with a narcissist.