Category: Narcissism

As the saying goes, if it seems too good to be true then it probably is… Our religious ex narc-elder would swoon people in with his perceived gentleness, righteousness and holiness, but would then turn into the most vicious and conniving snake to those who dare call him out on his error(s) and sin. As a way to cover his tracks and re-direct away from himself, he would dig-up peoples’ past sins and private matters before everyone in the congregation in an attempt to smear and weaken their witness of his evil. This slander, libel and defamation is an abomination to God as it causes discord amongst the brethren, or as this narc-elder would put it… F A C T I O N. When someone starts slandering, libeling and defaming another to your ears, you are in the right to share this wickedness to the person being slandered. There’s ALWAYS two sides to a story.

Remember that a narcissist always wears a mask, some more effective than others… BEWARE!

Healthy relationships are known for authenticity, what you see is the real deal. But because narcissists are self deluded and cannot be forthright about their intentions, you’ll need to factor in their habit of luring you into their inauthentic ways of being. With narcissists, there is inevitably more going on subconsciously than what they portray on the surface.

Our ex narc-elder is in a state of self-delusion and an alternate reality. His followers re-enforce this alternate reality as they cower in FEAR- their revelations and dreams continually prop-up and support his sick narratives and despicable behavior. (Fruit of a CULT).

One of the defining features of narcissism is the construction of Alternate Reality. In other words, narcissists make up “facts” or interpretations for the sole purpose of supporting their misguided way of life. Dr. Les Carter explains how essential it is for you to understand this tendency because along with their alternate reality comes gaslighting…the attempt to create doubt and confusion within you.

Toxic faith has been around for a long time and has been a threat to the Gospel of grace through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Our ex narc-elder created an environment that produced toxic ‘fruit’ in his cult:

• Toxic faith brings FEAR. Fear is at the heart of toxic faith– it drives systematic abuse. We fear rejection, … especially by God. We fear not measuring up and disapproval from our spiritual ‘leaders.’ Fear feeds on our insecurity and shame, which can set us up to be manipulated, controlled, and abused.
  • As a contextual exegesis, even the great Apostle Peter (A.K.A., Cephas) was manipulated by fear once which caused division and an open rebuke by the Apostle Paul at Antioch…
  • “But when Cephas came to Antioch, I resisted him to the face, because he stood condemned. For before that certain came from James, he ate with the Gentiles; but when they came, he drew back and separated himself, fearing them that were of the circumcision.”  Galatians 2:11-12
• Toxic faith brings a FOCUS on performance and conformity. Referencing Galatians chapter 2, suddenly the folks were not rejoicing in the new unity that existed between the Jews and the Gentiles, or the lives that had been changed through the Gospel. It was now about conforming to the ‘rules.’ The high order of the day was making sure that all men were circumcised- getting men to comply to an external standard was more important than an internal change of heart.
  • “And the rest of the Jews dissembled likewise with him; insomuch that even Barnabas was carried away with their dissimulation.”  Galatians 2:13
• Toxic faith brings DIVISION. When Peter stopped eating with the Gentiles, the other Jews joined him. When performance is the focus, a shift of separation can occur between who is in and who is out, who is acceptable and who is unacceptable. Shouldn’t we give grace to folks who are repenting (changing their mind, coming in agreement with God), … shouldn’t we encourage them as they trying their best to believe and therefore receive grace to obey? Or should we put them under the law (any law/rule) and demand performance of them? Remember with what measure YOU mete, is SHALL be measured unto YOU!
• Toxic faith brings hypocrisy. When people live in FEAR of criticism, they learn to hide their true thoughts. Toxic leaders think that compliance among their ‘followers’ shows a unified support of their leadership. However, mass compliance is often the result of FEAR, not unity. Instead of speaking their minds, people choose not to make waves, lest they be ‘factioned out’ by the narc elder. Some would rather be hypocrites than risk the conflict, judgment, and rejection that comes from speaking their minds and standing up- this is what happened at Antioch. Paul, who knew/experienced the law probably better than anyone in the room stood up and rebuked the great Apostle Peter to his face in the sight of all, that the rest may be in fear of following in this grace-killing hypocrisy. Note also that this happened, post Pentecost, and yes, Peter had the Holy Spirit and still fell into this dissimulation.
  • It should be the result of grace, through faith, but the legalistic self-appointed ‘leaders’ boasts about their performance while being a hypocrite.
  • Remember how angry Jesus got at these hypocrites; it would do us well to remember that there go I, except by the grace of God and PRIDE goeth before the fall.
• Toxic faith brings intimidation and control. Referencing Galatians 2, Paul tells us that even Barnabas, his ministry partner, was influenced to join the Jewish believers- that’s how much pressure there was to conform. Paul and Barnabas had championed grace and freedom in Christ in the early days of the Antioch church, yet the legalists got what they wanted: lockstep compliance. We would do well to land on the side of mercy over judgment and vigorously reject this fruit of toxic faith.
• Toxic faith has been around for a long time and will always pose a threat to the gospel of grace. (Ephesians 2:8)

Because narcissists are desperate to control you, establishing dominance, it is in their vested interest not to know about your humanity.

Do you feel like you have been used? Taken advantage of? Beware of false fruits of love disguised as justification to abuse, emotionally and spiritually.. 1 Corinthinans 13 is clear that if we bestow all our goods to feed the poor or needy, but have not love, it profiteth us NOTHING and we become as a sounding brass, or an annoying Tamborine! :o) [Inside nod/wink to those who have been ‘factioned-out’ by our ex narc-elder]

Dr. Les Carter describes how they rationalize their manipulations by viewing you in non-human ways. They don’t care about your feelings, your needs, or your back story. You are just someone to be used. While this is disheartening, as you understand their dehumanizing ways, you can avoid some of the hurt associated with their attitudes toward you.